Tuesday, May 13, 2014


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So we meet again. Hi blog. Hi friends. Hi
This month was hard.
This YEAR is hard.
2014 has not been the kindest.
But i'm OK. I have no room to complain, but sometimes I do. And that's OK.
I want...I need everyone to know of my gratitude to them these past months. For their support, love, and words of advice, the littlest text would swoop me up into tears and I would just become so overcome with so much thankfulness. I am so blessed. 
There's a reason for anything and everything. I don't put that lightly either. Each day, I think (deeply) about little things that impact big things or big things that impact little things in my life, and I am continuously in awe about how EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
Holy canoli guys I tell you what. That thought can send me off in such deep thought for hours upon hours, I may not get it in the beginning, but in the end, it all pieces itself together and you get that "ah-ha" moment. Those suck sometimes (who likes to admit stupidity?)
My "ah-ha" moment finally came.
And wanna know what?
I'm happy. I am so so happy.
I waited a while (two years to be exact) for my ah-ha moment. I put myself through a lot and I put others through a lot for my ah-ha moment.
 The world broke my heart ten ways to Sunday.
But Sunday is my favorite day again.
While unknowingly searching for the "ah-ha" I discovered so much more.
I found my love for videography and the passion I have for it.
I found out that my family is the greatest family in the whole world (this includes non-blood family members on Vaughn Ave.) I was carried when I was done, when I was about to give up. In my darkest place, they were the light through it all. I couldn't have gotten through those moments without them.
I found my "friend-family" as I like to call it. It really is a 2nd family unit that I am so grateful for. I have met some of the most genuine and real people through this and I am so thankful I get to keep them forever. Who doesn't want two families?!
I found Ryan Edward Fischer. The cliché "I wasn't looking, but he just appeared" story. But it's true. The last thing on my mind, but low and behold, the date to the batting cages really won my heart. I have never met a more sincere, tender-hearted, smart, patient, selfless, hardworking, amazing person, as Ryan. I thank my lucky stars that he came into the picture.
I found a deeper and stronger relationship with the savior. I strive daily to be who he wants me to be, and who he knows I can be. I hold our relationship above all others and I am eternally grateful for the time I had to give my all to him, in my quiet cries of need, he was there. And I will forever remember that.
I found myself.
And I think I've been missing for a long time.
So hey Tori
It's nice to finally see you again.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Friday, February 14, 2014

Be Still.

It's a hard concept for me that it's possibly possible to actually relax once in awhile. Maybe take a seat, watch a few episodes of RHOBH? Do I know how to sit? Probably not. Have a real hard time catching onto that one. My whole life night has been my best friend. It's when I would read (and read and read), or draw, or look up sad stories on vimeo and cry myself to sleep. Either way, the goth side of me comes out when the sun goes down. Me and nighttime have a pretty good thing going. It's when I get most things accomplished and it's when my brain really starts grinding some gears (hence the art projects at 3 am). I start getting into really deep questions that I ask myself (and the google toolbar) and could stay up for hours learning about things I never would've known before. I don't know why i'm not tired now. I woke up at 7:30 today and haven't stopped going since then. But when my pointer finger finds its way over to the spiritual side of all things internet. I. Get. Lost. Or...found, should I say? I could spend hours just looking and learning and watching all things gospel related. It really does just calm me down, mellow me out, center me...so really it's like yoga for my soul. Yeah. That. So while going through the Gilbert temple the other week, I snapped some pictures. Researched about the temple, how long it took, who was involved, how much it cost. All that jazz. SO appreciative and grateful for temples and for the blessings that come along with attending. The church is a powerful and amazing thing that is the rod for me in these trying times. How grateful I am to know of a place where i'm able to be sealed to my future family and to already be sealed to my present family. Such a grateful girl over here right now at 2:05 in the morning. 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

No Wrong Ideas

It's not Thursday, so I can't cleverly title this post, "Thorwback Thursday" original huh? But here's a throwback anyway. 14 minutes of the stuff that makes people great.