Monday, October 14, 2013

Grandma Berta

Last night (Sunday) we went and visited my Great-Grandma Berta (my mom's grandma). She is staying in a home right now with her sister Star and it was the first time I had seen her in the condition she is in. I was mentally preparing myself on the way over, asking mom a bunch of questions about how she is and what she understands. We got there and walked in to her finishing her Pumpkin pie and it all about tore my heart out. I wanted to leave right then and there for fear I wasn't going to make it through the next hour seeing the person my Grandma is now. She has lost a lot of memory. She still remembers my Grandpa R (her husband) and My Cute Joanie but that's the extent. She doesn't remember us. She can't hardly talk and when she does, it's the quietest mumble or whisper. With all these obstacles in the way I put on my best poker face and just stayed in the moment of being with my grandma and soaking up all the time I do have with her. It got easier and easier as time went on and pretty soon she wasn't the woman in the wheelchair, she was my grandma. I always think to myself, "I don't know what I would do if I lost a child, or my husband, or my parents." Though death is inevitable, people still carry on. And that is exactly what Grandma has done. In 2003 she lost her husband and her daughter within 6 months of each other. She has personified what it truly means to be a disciple of Christ and a pioneer. She has more than most but is not boastful and not proud, She is what I dream to be when I become a wife and a mother and I am so grateful for her lineage and her example to me. She gave me my Cute Joanie, my mom, and my family and I am forever indebted to her. She may not realize who I am now, but I don't have any doubts that her heart and love still remain. I see it when she tries so hard to communicate or when I hear that faint "I love you" when I lean in to kiss her cheek and give her a hug, or when she just wants to play with Brixton the whole time (she loves babies). I am so grateful and proud to be your granddaughter Grandma and I thank you for ALL that you have done for me.

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